I was thinking about this in relation to the dress post so I thought I would go ahead and post this as well.
It doesn't seem there is a definitive answer to this question but I would love to hear your feedback. What is the limit on how much your bridesmaid's should be expected to spend? Between parties, transportation, hotels, dresses, etc. there is a lot of cha-ching that goes into being a bridesmaid. Although I have personally only been a bridesmaid twice I know first hand how things can add up.
I was really concerned about this because I wanted to ask my bridesmaids to do a dress shopping weekend. Unfortunately none of us live in the same state, I was thinking about hosting it at my parent's house in Minneapolis since that would mean a free place to stay and one bridesmaid would not have to travel. Then I felt that was asking a lot, they will already have to purchase plane tickets for the actual wedding. I am planning on paying for their hair and makeup for the day if they would like it (but it is not being forced by any means).
It just seems difficult to pick a dress without having them all there to try them on, I was thinking of hosting a brunch for them and making it a fun weekend. Maybe even doing a bachelorette party type of thing so there wouldn't be additional travel for that. I don't want anything outlandish and I don't need a bridal shower. I am just so afraid of asking too much. I know one of my friendships is now strained because the bride asked way too much and never seemed appreciative. That is the last thing I want to happen.
I was also trying to find a dress for everyone under $150 because there would still be shoes and alterations to consider. However, it seems I haven't had all that much luck and the dresses I like are closer to the $200 range.
What do you think is reasonable and what do you think is too much?
Friday, May 2, 2008
On a Related Note, What is the Limit?
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5 comments:
This question is so hard. Basically, I wanted my girls to not have to spend a fortune. There's 7 and they live all over the place so I just took one with me to pick the BM dress. I sent pictures to the rest of them saying, this is it and they were fine with that. While you're get together idea sounds SO fun, if you're worried about making them pay for travel I'd forgo it and let them wait to spend that money for the shower/bachelorette.
That's great that you are paying for their hair. I'm sure they'll appreciate it. But most girls understand that being in a wedding comes with a price tag and I'm sure they will be happy no matter what just being able to share that day with you.
when is your wedding? is there a point where some of you might be in the same area for a holiday or something already so their wouldn't be extra travel? could go look and try on a few by yourself to narrow them down and then see if any of them could try them on where ever they live? It isn't as much fun but would save everyone some cash.
i personally struggled with this myself... even though girls know they are going to spend a bit to be in the wedding party I tried my best to keep extra cost to a minimum. I also gave up on the dresses like Jenny Yoo that I loved and just went with a classic design from Ann Taylor that was on clearance... it made it easy and they had it within a week. I am all about keeping it simple.
I think when I get to the point where we're picking out BM dresses and shoes etc, my mantra is going to be "what if it were me". I'm really going to try to put myself in their shoes since I'll be one of the first from our circle to be getting married. I know what my limits would be if I were in one of their weddings, but I also know that I would want to make their vision come to life. I think another thing that makes a big difference is their range in ages. If they are out of school, have good jobs and living the life and I know a $200 dress is not going to put a strain on their financial situation, then I think I'd feel more comforatble picking a $200 dress. So far, $200 is my limit and I'm going to let them pick the shoes.
Maybe you all could go dress shopping on the same day in your respective places. Maybe pick a chain or a popular designer and have some styles selected beforehand and tell them to go try them on and have a lil conference call to see what the consensus is!
If nothing else, be honest with them and let them know that you don't want to burden them! Just verbalizing the fact that you are concerned about them will definitely make a huge difference!
Thanks for the advice! Keeping it simple sounds so nice! I wish I wasn't so picky about the color of the dresses...and I suppose trying them on by myself could work it is just such a bummer to not have them all with me to try on the dresses. I feel like I am missing out but logistically/financially I guess it doesn't make much sense.
Yes, this is a toughie. I have been in several weddings, and I remember that feeling (more $$??!! ) I particularly remember the $65 hairdresser at the last wedding. That seemed so extravagant to me! Little did I know, that's really cheap. Now I'm shopping for hair/makeup people, and they are averaging $160 a pop! I would love to pay for this for them, but we'll see how the budget is in a few months. At the very least I plan to pay for half. (oh, btw - I found "regular" dresses at J.crew for my maids for $89. They love them)
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